So here we are, Day One of the winter hols 9.a.m. and I have only butted heads with Kev about 25 times so far. I have caused untold stress on the boy by not delivering his hot bagel at quite the speed he would have liked, for suggesting the TV goes down a decibel or 2, for not being able to locate the butter at the exact second he was hoping for it, but I can smile, and sing a little Fa-la-la-la -la to myself because, after all, tis the season to be jolly and on the bright side, school will resume in 16 short fun filled days.
So keeping a keen eye to the news I realise there are but 3 shopping days left till Xmas so today is the day I will shop.
Shop till I drop as they say, I will go forth and buy gifts, lots of gifts.
This year I can get my revenge on some of those people who bought my infant children NOISY TOYS, toys that require batteries and make repetative tinny sounds, that go on and on until I lose the will to live. YES you know who you are, so open your child’s present with caution, you will get no sleep.
I am particularly fond of those toys that randomly speak,Kurbi/Furby type thing or better yet the robotic dog affair.
so that weeks later when you are a lone in the house, a noise, a slight movement comes from another room, sounds like someone says something but you can’t quite catch what it is. Heart pounds. The ocean rushes into your ears. Images of Chuckie come back.
Is it a crazed doll come to life to murder you with your own vegetable knife?
Or is it a burglar and if so do I make a dash for the door, or can I be the heroine and grab the baseball bat in the genkan and go in swinging like Joaquin Pheonix in Signs.
Or do I hope that said burglar will take a look around our decrepit home and take pity on us leaving a contribution and with the stealth with which he entered, escape via one of the many unlocked windows.
Oh yes revenge is mine!
Then there are the toy piano with mic./karaoke systems . Oh what fun they are 24 hours a day, with the magic batteries that never ever die and that you can’t remove unless you own a magic screwdriver, with Swiss precision engineering, the kind santa’s little elves use.
So full of Xmas cheer, myself and my visa card shall shop up a storm, just as soon as Jim has had his ears hoovered again and Doris has had her brace cranked up a notch or two.
Deck the halls with bows of holly fa la la la la la la la la….