When One Door Slams….

I think maybe some anger management classes!
Conversations with teenagers not going well here, and poor Sunshine felt the need to slam the door on her way to school, because we, The Man and I, are ‘ruining her life’. Yep ruining it.
She has been invited to a nabe party. Nabe is where you cook various ingredients in one pot, and everyone sits around a low table chatting, cooking and eating.
Nothing wrong with that. we do it all the time in the winter with friends.
‘Nabe party’ might be just that, a nabe party, but it might also be a euphemism for unsupervised piss-up, I do not know. I know when I was a teenager it meant unsupervised piss-up, and I don’t want to project my own mis-spent youth on my daughter, who is of a different time a different culture and is in fact an entirely different person, but the concept of a teenager lying to a parent isn’t too much of a stretch is it?

‘When is it?’
‘On Friday.’
‘What time?’
‘We’ll all meet up straight after school.’
‘ Where is it?’
‘ Near Saidaiji’ ( that’s on the way home from school)
‘Whose party is it?’
‘ A girl I work with, all the girls from work are going.’
‘ What girl?’
‘ Hara-san.’
‘ I’ve never heard of her.’
‘I’m always talking about her.’
‘What school does she go to?’
‘She doesn’t, she’s finished school, she works full-time’.
‘ How old is she?’
‘ I’m just wondering.’
‘ 25’.
‘ Are the other girls all coming back on the same train afterwards.’
‘No, we’re all going to stay the night.’
‘Stay the night where?’
‘ At Hara-san’s house’
‘ Oh, no, sorry love, you can’t stay there, we don’t know anything about her. You can go to the party, but be back by 9.30 and I’ll pick you up at the station.’
‘There’s no point.’
‘why is there no point?’
‘Because I’ll have to leave at 8, it wont get started till 7.’
” Why will you have to leave at 8, you can leave at 9 and get back from Saidaiji in time.’
‘It’s quite far from Saidaiji.’
‘I thought you said it’s ‘just near’ Saidaiji.’
‘Well it is, it’s quite near, but it’s quite far too, and there might not be many trains at night.’
‘ Sorry but, if you go you need to be back by 9.30.’
‘But everyone else is staying over, we’re all going to go to work together on Saturday morning.’
‘I understand that, but sorry we can’t let you stay God knows where, with God knows who.
Just tell her you can go to the party but you can’t stay over.’
‘But she made it a sleep-over because of me, because I’m the only one who isn’t allowed to stay out late.’
‘That was nice of her, but we don’t know her, so it’ll have to be 9.30 home or nothing. That’s my final answer.’
‘ But if I don’t go, they’ll just say, let’s cancel it then, then no one can enjoy themselves, because of YOU.’
‘You CAN GO, ( voice beginning to rise a little), you just can’t stay. That’s it HONEY!
‘You don’t know how it feels to be me, always ruining the fun for everyone.’
‘I appreciate that, but you can’t know how it feels to be me, wondering where my daughter is.”
‘I told you where I’ll be.’
‘Yes you did, somewhere, near to, yet, simultaneously, far from , Saidaiji. Sorry it’s a ‘no’. Not this time.’
‘You always say ‘no’. I’m never allowed to do anything, I’m always the only one who can’t go to things.’
‘I’m sorry you feel that way.’
‘You’re not sorry, if you were sorry you’d let me go. You’re ruining my life.’
SLAM of door, Sunshine exits stage left.
DORIS enters stage right.
‘That went well.’
Thank you Doris for your support, observe, takes notes, we’ll be having the same conversation in 4 years and my answers will all be the same.
2 hours later, The Man returns. He is far less emotional than my goodself. Let’s ask him.

‘Sunshine wants to go to a nabe party on Friday with the girls from work, they’re all planning to stay over at someone’s house’.
‘Whose house?’
‘Someone she works with.’
‘Do we know her?’
‘No frickin way.’

‘Is that your final answer?’

11 thoughts on “When One Door Slams….

  1. Oh that brings back so many memories of my house growing up-but it wasn’t me doing the yelling!!

    Guess I have a lot to look forward to – in about another 12 years time!!! Good luck I don’t envy you one little bit.

    Thanks for sharing your ‘journey’, I recently came across your blog and have been enjoying it so far…

  2. How brilliant that you and the man are in total agreement…..How much worse would it be if you both thought different things….or he said ” whatever your mama thinks”. She will be so thankful for good parents one day…

  3. The day I learned that Annie was a girl,when she was still dormant as it were,I dreaded the teenage years.You prove my “why” point.May god give you strength.And as far as I can remember,whatever you do will be wrong.So just go and watch House with an extremely large G and T or three.

  4. Your Sunshine stories already have me looking into convent schools. When angry fathers start banging on our door regarding The Boy and his antics with their daughters that will be Hubby’s problem!

  5. Oh what fun! I was dreading a similar conversation with my teen recently who went to a party about a half hour motorway drive from home…luckily she was fine with me picking her up at 11pm and bringing her home. I am certain our door is safe for another weekend!! Well done to you and your husband tho’.

    • You’re nice letting her stay out till 11.
      I’m just not comfortable going out so late to pick her up. I know it’s just as dark at 9.30 as it is at 11, I just don’t like driving so late. 😦

  6. I read this the other day and tried to reply, at which point my computer froze (I was working on too many big files at the same time..) and I couldn’t but I am now very very scared of the teenager years. Boys are different though right?.. right? 😉

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