A Beautiful Uterus.

Health Check Day. It probably varies around the country, but in our one- horse town, once you hit the big FOUR-OH, you get a little postcard from the city office that lets you have free or cheap screening for various things, things mostly of the cancerous variety.
If you were to go to a hospital without having any symptoms and request these tests they’d cost you and arm and a leg. If you have symptoms that require the tests your insurance kicks in, but obviously early detection is best.
The available tests alternate every two years. This year’s lucky jackpot winners were for stomach, cervical and breast cancer.
I went ages ago and got my forms and my friend got hers so we decided to do them together, so we could chat in the waiting rooms etc and reduce the stress of the whole thing.
So Friday morning was THE morning for us to have the pap smear ( for anyone from the planet Zog who doesn’t know, this tests for cancerous cells on the cervix).
First good news was that we could have it done at a clinic I went to 2 years ago when I accidentally diagnosed myself via the internet of having a pelvic floor collapse. the doctor was so nice and friendly and told me I had a ‘lovely pelvic floor’, I was eager to go back there and hopefully get more compliments.
( It turned out my ‘problem’ was caused my a bad cough and too much laughing over a weekend with Tiktiki and Ditoh, figure out the symptoms on your own;)
So off we trotted. On the way my friend suggested that we should ask about having the test for uterine cancer while we were there and had our knickers off anyway. So when we got there we asked and for an extra 2,000 yen we could have that done too. Excellent.
THEN, this is where it’s handy to have a Japanese friend with you, when she went to the loo she said she saw a sign in there that they did echogram screening for breast cancer for just 2,600 yen.
This was very good news, not on the money front, because that really isn’t important here, but if we screened through the city system we’d first have to have a mammogram, which isn’t pleasant, we’ve all heard the ‘slammed and squeezed between two cold hard bookends’ analogy, we’ve all heard it because it’s spot on, then if they find anything questionable they refer you somewhere else for an echo. In the past, both of us have been refered for the echo because of benign something-or-others, so the chances were high that we’d spend half a day waiting in another hospital only to be sent for an echo anyway.
So here we were, in the right place at the right time, able to cut out the painful middle-man and cut straight to the echo.
This day was just getting better and better.
The doctor is really nice, very warm and friendly.
As with last time, he offered to let me have the curtains open. Japanese women are horrified when i tell them we don’t have curtains for this in the UK, but I hate them. The popular belief is that gaijin women don’t like the curtains because they want to see the doctor ( and the 3 nurses and the four medical students and the technician’s neighbour), this is not the case for me. I want to see the BROLLY. I want to see the BROLLY coming at me, I don’t want to be sitting in the electro-swivel chair, legs round my shoulders and be taken by surprise.I don’t like surprises!
So twas good, I saw the brolly coming, I was relaxed.
There was even a screen on my left that he said showed my uterus. I believed him, though it could still have been the uterus of my friend who went before me. He said I have a lovely uterus and the ( painful) uterine test was not necessary. This floored me, a doctor in Japan saying a test, off of which he would make money, wasn’t ‘necessary’.
The doctor is not hot like fibre-optic guy, but I do rather love him.
I managed an inelegant dismount from the chair and then went off for my echo.
We both got the all clear on the echo, the pap smear results within a week.
We were high as kites on the way home, very Lady Chatterly, observing the beauty and depth of the colour of the autumn leaves and promising to go there together every November for our check-ups.
A lovely uterus and a good friend. What more do I need.

5 thoughts on “A Beautiful Uterus.

    • Why thank you dear, I’m sure yours is easy on the eyes too.
      You too Tikitiki.

      Quite Steve, but then again guys have it all hanging out, we’re all tidily shielded from ridcule and protected from inclement weather.

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