Aliens.

I suddenly remembered in the nick of time, that I had to renew my Alien Registration. I had to go to city hall and reconfirm that I am indeed an alien in the community and am still here, communing, that nothing has changed. Fortunately it was Monday and I had time to deal with it.
My news shelves have yet to yield the level of organisation I was hoping for, still I suppose it’s an ongoing process, nothing happens over night, ( except maybe the need for bifocals or my arse dropping 10 inches down the back of my legs).
Perhaps though with alien reg, driver’s licence, Jalt membership, yearly fire insurance and a family that requires 10 passports in total, I need more than new shelves, I need a PA.
( friends with fancy iphones go away, I know what you’re going to say).
So, shelves not quite sorted, it took a while to locate the letter that I got 2 months ago, reminding me to renew in a timely fashion and how to do it.
I needed to take the letter, my current card, my passport and two passport photos.
I also needed a comb, desperately.
I know from experience there is no photo booth at City Hall, or anywhere else where you might be asked for a photo, but there is one near the Police Station. The Police Station is a busy place so I thought I could park there, dash into the booth and out again quickly and get the wrapped up before lunch.
I got to the Police Station and for no apparent reason the car park was what I can only describe as teeming with cops, no doubt some other alien had tried to illegally park there and use the only photo booth within a 20 mile radius.
So I opted for the lesser evil of illegally parking at the pizza shop a little way down the road. Here I made a BIG mistake, for some reason I opted to leave my bag in the car and just take the coins for the machine with me.
So when I get in the machine, which so handily operated in 6 different languages, I had to choose which size I need, I didn’t have the letter with the dimensions on.
So I guessed. I made an executive decision, I decided that ‘passport’ size would be necessary and I proceeded with the photo taking.
I had to swirl the little stool around quite a few times, oops too high, ooops too low, before I could be Baby Bear and get it ‘just right’ to line up my eyes and my chin as directed by the very nice English speaking lady in the machine.
I was quite relaxed because a) I was only having a photo taken not facing a firing squad and b) because I had two trys before I had to commit to a picture that would be on my card for the next 5 years.
Shit, photo #1, I looked like Aileen Wuornos. try again. This time I looked like Charlize Theron playing Aileen Wuornos, I opted for the Charlize version though there really wasn’t much to choose between them.
I finished and then, and I kid you not, the nice lady hiding in the machine said, ” Good job, well done.’
I thought she was being a bit patronising because it really wasn’t all that difficult of a task.
Moving on, I hot footed back to the car and headed over to City Office.
There was very nice chap on the alien desk. Of course, it goes without saying that I ballsed up on the size of the photo, he was perplexed for a while, until I came up with the ingenious idea of CUTTING IT. Yes! Cutting it down to size. He had to go off an confer with colleagues for a while and I read a chapter of ‘The Path of Least Resistance’, he came back with executive power to cut and we were off.
I can pick up my spanking new card in two weeks and can continue mingling in the community with my strange alien ways.

Can anyone form the UK tell me if you need to renew a UK driver’s licence these days and is it photo I.D? My current licence is on pink paper in a clear plastic wallet and appears to be good thro’ 2037, are those prehistoric licences still valid, does anyone know?

5 thoughts on “Aliens.

  1. you know, of all damn things, they have put in a passport photo booth outside the grocery store 5 minutes from my house. Not the main grocery store, but a branch.. in the middle of a medium sized suburb…. i suppose it will be gone by the time i need any photos…next time i need to confirm that i am an alien, maybe i can use the nearby photo booth!!!

  2. Hey up!

    You can use that tatty pink paper. If you ever need to change it, you might be forced to get a photo one. Otherwise “they” don’t have enough balls or green stuff to deal with the public outcry, pickets and demonstrations that would accompany recalling the old and compelling its population to do anything so Big Brother as carry photographic proof of their identity while driving (anyway they can get all the info they need from traffic cameras and hidden recording devices in wheelie bins).

    • Why thanks for such clarity Janina.
      Do you think the fact that it’s reg’d to my mother’s house, a house that was actually sold about 14 years ago, is grounds for renewal? 😉

      Sherry, bugger off! 😀
      Jan, keep your eye on it, you never know when you might need it.

  3. You need to work for MI5 – apparently they’ll chuck loads of passports and documentation at you all with different names… so you could really become Charlize Theron if you wanted to. At least that’s how it looks on Spooks anyway.

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