It’s wrong to Hit. Right?

So young Kev comes home very angry yesterday, I knew as soon as I heard the door slam that things had not gone well for the lad.
At first he wouldn’t tell me what happened, but eventually, angry turned to upset and he told me about these 3 kids who were calling him names on the way home from school. These 3 kids are pretty well known for this kind of thing, it wasn’t the first time their names had come up in conversation.
So I asked Kev what he did, he said he didn’t do anything he just picked up his pace and walked as quickly as he could.
Excellent, said I, ignore them, good plan, ignore and get away as quickly as you can. I told him he did well, he made the right choice.
He said he was thinking to punch them, and he knew he could get the smaller one ( a kid in Jim’s class) but he didn’t think he could take on the other two, a 5th grade boy and a 6th grade girl.
I said, yes I understand your feelings Kev, sometimes I feel like punching someone, but hitting is never the solution, you can try and talk, or you can ignore and get away, but hitting is never going to solve anything is it.
He said, last year some kid in his class kept shoving him in the corridor and saying, ” Go home, American’. One day the kid caught up with Kev on the way home and was saying it again, so apparently Kev punched him, and
” he’s really nice to me now!”
Jeez it’s tough being a kid!
Of course I’d like my kids to all sail through their childhoods without knowing what it is to be unjustly shoved ( or please, to unjustly shove another) to never be called a name, or taunted in any way, but life’s not like that and they need to have the contrast of things going well and things not going well, they need to have these small, yet unpleasant incidents so they have the experience to deal with things.
So we teach them tools to survive it all, how to handle these things, what options they have.
And then sometimes maybe they just need to make their own decision chuck a punch out there.
I’m now confused because despite all my ‘no hitting’ talk, how we do not hit, inside or outside the house, zero tolerance for hitting, I’m actually kind of glad he punched the kid!
I know if I had known about the incident at the time, I’d have wanted to do the same.
There are layers and layers to this parenting lark!

6 thoughts on “It’s wrong to Hit. Right?

  1. I’m with you. Totally ambivalent. When Ben was bullied at his previous school we had similar conversations to the one you describe above and in the end did say to him, look, if this kid hits you hit him back. As it was it didn’t come to that; the bully left and we got Ben into a better school anyway but I’d stick to that advice. Violence should be a last resort and even then it should be controlled. Sometimes, other people really give you no choice.

  2. Ditto.
    My daughters have always stood up for others being bullied, so far they haven’t had that themselves (apart from a brief cat fight my eldest daughter got into with a school friend). Life eh? Lucky to get out of it alive!! 🙂

  3. When I was about eight I got bullied by a group of boys in my class.

    I lashed out and felled one of them one day.

    They stopped, never did it again.

    Hitting is a risk but sometimes, as a last straw, it is the only option if you’ve tried everything else.

    I think it is useful as a hidden threat and, as long as it is used as the last straw, is perfectly OK.

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