So, a child, not my own, a child who is staying with me, tells me I need to quit smoking. My own children tell me this all the time.
I’m generally good at ignoring them and not getting drawn into their predictions of bad endings.
So this, temporary child says,
You should quit smoking.
I say, I HAVE QUIT.
No you haven’t, you just had one.
I HAD ONE AN HOUR AGO AND I HAVEN’T HAD ONE SINCE.
What willl you do when you want one.
HAVE ONE. THEN QUIT AGAIN.
What if I hid all your cigs and lighters.
I’D GO TO THE SHOP AND BUY MORE.
What if I shoved you in a little room, with no cigs and locked you in.
I’D BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF YOU WHILE YOU WERE SHOVING.
What if I got secret agents to shove you in .
I’D BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF THEM.
No you can’t cos they’re holding you by a thread over a giant fire.
I’D PUNCH THEM IN THE FACE AND SWING BY THE THREAD TO THE EDGE OF THE FIRE.
You can’t cos one of the agents has a giant hand, bigger than your house, and he’s holding you at arms length over the fire.
What would you do? what would you do. You can’t do anything right? You’d have to stop smoking wouldn’t you.
YES, I THINK I WOULD, IF THAT SCENARIO CAME TO BE, I THINK I’D PROBABLY HAVE TO QUIT.