Expect the Unexpected.

Not everything went according to plan on my trip, but then again it never does.
I wanted to get my teeth cleaned and polished, but in Japan, nothing is ever done in one visit, when I’ve had them done before, he does about 2 at a time and I have to keep going back, which is a bit like painting the Fourth Road Bridge. Even with fillings and root canals it takes maybe 4-8 visits to complete.
Discussing this with the lovely Marlene she says her dentist will clean and polish in one visit, so how about she makes an appointment for me with her dentist. ‘Let’s do it’ says I.
So I get there, and her dentist is indeed a lovely woman, a lovely woman who speaks English no less. She checks out my teeth and then asks if I have any teeth causing me pain. I say, I do indeed, this one right here causes me no end of gyp, but I have been to the dentist and he says there is nothing wrong with it.
She said ‘actually, you have an enormous hole in it, and another one over here, how about I take some X-rays?’
Okay. X-rays confirm the hidden caverns in my teeth and she says she’ll fill them.
Now, I’m not fond of dentists ( or doctors, or banks, or post offices…) and she can see I’m nervous, so she says I can have gas and air. Wow, never knew Japan had gas and air, have never been offered it before, not even for childbirth, so I’m all over that idea, yes yes yes, bring on the gas and air I say, she says I’ll need novacaine too, thats good too, I’ll have them both, and a nice chilled glass of chardonay perhaps.
So, I had the gas and air, didn’t even feel the novacaine needle going in, was relaxed and happy as Larry. I’m all fixed and good to go, but it had taken quite a while and I seriously didn’t think I could keep my gob open any longer so we decided to postpone the cleaning expedition until the follwoing morning.
So Marlene and I trot home, one side of my mouth was numb so I was drooling for a while, but bless Marlene she never said anything as I worked my way through her lotion tissues.
Next morning I go back. The cleaning project begins and it is nothing like the way my crappy dentist does things, no picking at and scraping, just whirring along with a machine. Then it appears I have another smaller hole, that she wants to fill, she says it isn’t big I could get it done by my own dentist, but of course I no longer trust him, never going back to him again, so can she please fill it.
X-ray done, she says, it’s very small, I might not need the novacaine, ‘oh oh oh ‘ says I, ‘ bring on the novacain, and the gas, I need both.’
So the gas is cranked up and I’m off, it was waaay stronger than it had been the day before and I could feel each and every cell in my body all floating casually around, picking up blood, dropping off oxygen, marvellous stuff.
Then she put this little stick thing inside my mouth that tasted sort of spicy, I asked her what it was and she said it’s a novacain cone, to numb the gum so I don’t feel the needle and asked if she should take it out.
‘ No no no no no, back off baby, let’s leave that right where it is shall we’ I said, or slurred maybe.
30 minutes later, I’m all fixed, no painful teeth, all cleaned and shiney, a pain free, stress free experience, marvellous. It’s worth it to me to hoof up to Tokyo every 6 months for a check-up.

This gas and air scheme is really not to be sniffed at. I got to wondering if perhaps we shouldn’t all have a little gas and air through our busy daily lives. Maybe that will be the next GOOD THING, little porta-packs we can stick in our bags.
Getting on a packed train? have a quick zen like yoga nasal inbreath, through the mask, remove all the stresses and strains of rush hour travel.
Kids expecting dinner again? You can pop on your mask, pop your porta-pack into your pinny pocket and cruise around the kitchen, whipping up nutritious, delicious meals in no time. Why, even the dishes would be done in no time.
For drivers, simply plug it into your ipod socket and let those traffic nasties melt away.
I think I’m onto something, clearly I have a busy day ahead of me.

8 thoughts on “Expect the Unexpected.

  1. i think i have found the answer to my prayers. must book marlene’s dentist on next trip…the guy here used nothing and i felt a terrible pain as he started whizzing and grinding on me. i cannot bear to go there again. my gaping holes expand, expand. now besides the mental floss routine, i’ve also got the dental floss every night.

    the gas sounds divine. how was the chardonnay?

  2. I am so defintely coming to Japan. Or at least to see your new dentist. I’m a gas and air virgin and I’d like to have my duck broken with style. 😉

    • let’s book together, steve, i’ve been wanting to finally meet all miss behavings friends in person somehow. it’d be a gas, i’m sure!

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