Teens and Safety

Ignoring things that need to be done here because I want to get this down before I forget or lose my ire.

A few weeks back Sunshine had been in a local burger shop ‘studying’. When she came home, she mentioned that there had been a gaijin ( non Japanese) guy in there and he had come over to talk to her and asked her for her mobile mail address.

well I handled things completely wrongly! Learned my lesson there, when fear for her safety set in, Mama Bear came out and I said ( maybe shrieked) ” what did you do that for, you don’t even know him.”
So then she got all stroppy and wouldn’t talk to me for a while ( see that’s why it was wrong, the judging and the criticising closed down communications).
After a couple of days the ice thawed and we talked about it again, which led to a little teeny mini Sunshine break down, where she said that she gets really nervous when gaijin men approached her because she thinks they might know me, so she never knows if she met them somewhere before through me and she feels she should be polite.

So the gaijin community is not large and the teaching community even less so and I have on a few occasions taken her ( and my other kids) to work related workshops/meetings/events/BBQs etc, where she’ll have met people I know, and sometimes met people who I was meeting at that event for the first time too.
So it all came tumbling out how she didn’t know how to say ‘no’ to the guy.
I explained to her that noone that I know would ask her for her address ( especially no one I know that she doesn’t) and IF they did, they had no business doing so and she could tell them ‘no’. She said she didn’t know that!
And it really brought it home to me that they learn these things, these important things experientially , hence the importance of the lines of communication being open.
She said what should she do if he mailed her, so I said she could ignore it or reply and tell him she doesn’t want to be in contact with him.
I think he did send her a couple of mails but I’m not really sure how or if she responded because it wasn’t ‘up for discussion’ again, I thought whatever the situation is she’s managing it and presumed she would come to me if she wasn’t.
Then this morning she forwarded me a mail he had sent her, saying he has some kind of fashion magazine and wants her to critique it.
she said in the mail ( to me) ‘ I’m out of my depth now’
so I said , ‘do you want me to mail him and say something?’ She said she did. ( oh wow this is getting long)….So I did mail him and said who I was and that alarm bells went off when I heard a strange man had asked my teenage daughter for her address, and did he think it apporpriate behaviour for a man of his age. ( I don’t know how old he is actually but he is a MAN as in not a high school boy or a uni student).
I got a very respectful reply fro him and it looks like his magazine story may be legit, but I’m still not comfortable with a man apporaching her in a cafe and asking for her address right????
And, there’s more, a few months back she got a call on her other phone, ( she has two cell phones for reasons beyond the scope of this saga), it is for talking only, no mail, no net and few people have the number. Anyway at about 12 midnight one night it rang and she , half asleep, thought it was her alarm or something and picked-up ( to answer the question why on earth did you answer it?).
A man’s voice said.
” Do you know who this is?” and she said ‘ No’.
He said, ‘ phone six more people right now, or you’ll be raped.”
It was awful, she couldn’t sleep obviously, so she woke me and told me and then neither of could sleep and quite honestly, even though it was a stupid prank call, it was so NASTY, ‘you’ll be raped”!! who says that?
It had us all really worried because she had the part-time job at the amusement park where honestly, all sorts of people work and it was her first experience foraying into an adult world and meeting different types etc.
To finish, I was sort of wondering all day whether I had over reacted to the cafe guy, but putting it all down here now, I don’t think I did.
we’ve had all sorts of ‘minor’ incidents, 3 separate times on the train a guy( 3 separate guys) has asked if he can take her photo and while she is saying no he’s snapped her picture with his mobile and there have been other incidences, small yes, but lumped together it’s all quite scary!
I must admit, I’m glad she is opting for a uni close to home so she’ll live here another four years, it’ll mean no end to the taxi service I provide, limited access to the bathroom and no food in the house, but it’ll be worth it!

( Will correct all typos tomorrow, can no longer see straight)

11 thoughts on “Teens and Safety

  1. I don’t think you overreacted. Better to be safe than sorry and all that. And at the end of the day asking a young girl (or anybody) for their contact details when you don’t know them nor they you is so obviously dodgy and unappropriate that you’ve got to be either stupid or extremely arrogant to do it in the first place. If you have legitimate reasons there are respectable and legitimate ways – putting someone on the spot in a cafe isn’t one of them.

    • No worries, lol, when I sent the email I said he came across as ‘distrustful’ rather than ‘untrustworthy’ . brain cannot be perpetually engaged, it would explode. 😉

  2. I think you totally did the right thing. It all may have been legit and innocent enough, but it if wasn’t you couldn’t have undone anything that might have happened, yk? I’m not sure how young/old your daughter looks, but if he was really interested for the reasons he said he should have given her his contact info so she/you could have gotten in contact with him.

    As for random pervs, on the train, prank calls, I guess there is little that could be done about that, but take the usual safety precautions, yk?

    • She looks sort of anywhere between about 14 and 17 really, the first time he approached her though she was in her school uniform so not like he thought she was waay older or anything, yk?
      And yes, he could have offered her a meishi and left contact up to her.

  3. Mama Bear has the right to show those claws.How frightening (for you both) but TG that she came to you and asked for your advice and opinion and took it.She is growing up.

    These kind of stories scrae me so much;our kids do and always will get more attention than most in this country and for girls,it is a problem.However,your post,although very alarming,goes to show how sensible your eldest is and how she has her head firmly screwed on.You did good:)

  4. Oh My Lord. no, nothing you could do qwould EVER be contstrued as overeacting. Can you not get the police to trace this number????
    Sorry, I am MJOR MAMA BEAR, TIGERRESS AND BITCH when it comes to my gals…
    My 15 yr old was moaning recently about lack of boyfriends, complaining that as she is at an all girls school, and has ice skating as a sport she will NEVER meet boys. if only she knew.

  5. brrrrr, even more worrying that he was eager to seem plausible to you too…so much emphasis is put on how teenagers should be polite and courteous to adults, just because they are adults ; I know i would have benefitted in life from a few lessons in “fu*k right off weirdo ” What a great mom you are !

  6. Eww.. that is creepy. 😦 I don’t think you over-reacted at all and I would have done exactly the same thing.

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