A couple of weeks back, I got up and The Man began ragaling me of the nightmare of the night before, when in the middle of the night, safe in the comfort of our bed, cocooned in the warmth of our love ( and the level 5 IKEA duvet) he had been stung by a bee. ( or a wasp or something, I don’t know I’m not Gil Grisholm)
There he was, minding his own business, sleeping and snoring away, when suddenly he was stung in the chest by this thing.
I could see the stinger still in there.
I tried to be sympathetic but I’d had neither coffee nor cigarette so I wasn’t quite listening.
It appears though that maybe when I put the futons outside to air, a bee had got inside the cover and stayed there until the dead of night
then, no doubt trying to escape, had stung the man. Apparently, so outraged was my man, he hunted it down in the bedroom and killed the bugger.
None of this had woken me up.
The Man was not pleased by this occurence, he was taking it personally, just venting I’m sure, but he said , ‘Why me?’
Now something about that ‘Why me?’ didn’t sound right, not the kind of thing he would say, neither of us really subscribe to the ‘why do bad things happen to good people’ way of thinking, we are more ‘shit happens’ people, so it weighed on my mind, why would he say ‘why me?’
A few cups of coffee and half a packet of fags later, it dawned on me like an East Asian sunrise, he meant, why HIM and not me.
So I let it stew a while, thinking how on earth could he explain this, how will he dig himself out of this deep hole, this dark and vicious place where one wishes bee stings on one’s own lovely , loving, giving wife.
So when he came home I asked him.
I said, ‘ honey, what exactly did you mean by ‘Why me?’ ?
He said, ” I meant why not you”
I said, don’t coat it with sugar babe, tell it how it is.
he said, we were both there, both in the bed, you had, at a very conservative estimate at least 50% of the futon, so why did the bastard sting me? Why me? Why not you?
‘ Oh sorry, I’ll try to be available to bees in future. want me to get that stinger out?”